The Quest for M dot

I rarely write off the cuff preferring to plan my story, carefully forming and editing in the hope of making an interesting read and generally inspiring or motivating others. But tonight is different. Ive just left the pool having completed my swim test and in doing so - my longest ever swim of 1500m. I don't always/ever live in the moment and often spend time worrying about the past and the future. Things I can't control but can't or haven't yet is probably a more positive way of putting it figured out how to manage it all. Tonight I pushed my body further that I expected I could. Ive been very worried about tonight's session. Not sleeping properly last night and following that up with a long day worrying in work today. But tonight it was worth it all. I jumped out of the pool at the end and sat on the side to catch my breath, seeing stars but managing to stay upright I got to enjoy my self-euphoria. I was tired hunger and sore but I felt an amazing sense o

I'm that person that gives out, bitches and moans about training but always always  fears not having enough done. But doesn't everyone? I'm hoping so. Then there's the guilt. It irks away at you. Why are you not training? You don't deserve to relax. You haven't earned it. You can't enjoy food. You haven't earned it. You can't watch a series on Netflix unless your on the turbo. You must suffer. I'm not sure where the guilt comes from or the purpose but it's tough mentally and probably not proactive. I know that. I should probably just train more. That would teach the guilt. After a 2 week break from the pool, one for illness, the second more logistical I returned this week and was looking forward to it. It had only been 2 weeks. Hardly enough time to lose any swimming fitness. Swimming fitness I'd really only gained over the previous 3 weeks so possibly a bit niave on my part. Monday night's session was grim but I powered throu